Worst Cigar Names Ever

by Jesse on May 23, 2008

Some of the cigar brands out there are tongue twisters when it comes to pronouncing them, but if you want your cigar to fail these names will surely help you in that endeavor. The names alone will make you shudder as you pass them on the shelves.

Gorilla Fingers

Let’s associate an object we are going to place in our mouths with severed appendages of endangered animals.

 GF_Maduro

Smokin’ Toad

I laughed when I saw this display at the RTDA Trade Show in 2007. Nothing says fine cigars like amphibians. You’ve licked the frog now smoke the toad. What really amazed me is I think more people actually smoke toads than this cigar. Seriously, let’s name a cigar for a way people get high.

SmokeToad

ACID Nasty

Drew Estate often chooses some funky names for their cigars. I’ve never actually smoked this one, but something about the name kinda turns me off. Does it taste as Nasty as the name?

acnasty5

Iguana

The company behind this cigar is notorious for some of their house blends that they push heavily in their catalogs. I have problems smoking something named after an amphibian, or lizards. Puffing on an Iguana just brings up some disturbing images in my mind.

Iguana

Fighting Cock

Don’t even get my started on the bad puns that have been tossed around about this one. In my book putting the word cock in the name of a phalic shaped object we put in our mouths is not the best of ideas. I don’t even want to know what some of the marketing slogans tossed around the company’s office were. Care to make up some of your own? Please, post them in the comments section.

FightingCock

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

JoeBob May 23, 2008 at 8:09 am

Great list!

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Adam Snider May 23, 2008 at 9:28 am

Fighting Cock has got to be the worst. I can sort of see where they were trying to go with the name but, like you said, the word “cock” attached to a rather phallic object that guys are going to put in their mouth? No thanks. I don’t see how the marketing team missed that one.

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Brian May 23, 2008 at 10:36 am

If I ever come out with a cigar, I think I’ll name it “Dueling Codpieces”! LOL

Fighting Cock rules! …The world of poorly named cigars!

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Rah55 May 23, 2008 at 11:17 am

Isn’t the slogan unfortunately obvious?

“Suck on a Cock!!”

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Gianni D May 23, 2008 at 12:02 pm

This is awesome!

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nosactivated May 23, 2008 at 2:01 pm

It’s pretty bad when you will not buy or use a product based on its name. IF you ever look at the label of ingredients, I am sure you would not eat. Some of the names of the ingredients are enough to make you puke. As a cigar smoker myself. I sometimes purchase a cigar based on the brand name.

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Jerry May 23, 2008 at 2:41 pm

Maybe not the worst but I always found the Big Butt Cigar kind of disturbing!

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JoeDrinker May 23, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Fighting Cock Cigars tagline proposal:
“Smoke a Cock tonight!”

May as well call it Veiny Brown Wiener or Big Poop Stick. And somebody got paid to name it?

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Adam Snider May 23, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Wow, that must be a new spam comment technique: copying and pasting part of a comment already in the thread!

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Jesse May 23, 2008 at 6:39 pm

Thanks for pointing that out Adam, I missed that it was spam.

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L May 23, 2008 at 7:22 pm

Smoking Cock Cigars: “C’mon and put a big hot cock in your mouth tonight!”

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Jason May 23, 2008 at 11:14 pm

After a hot plate of Schweddy Balls, enjoy a Fighting Cock.

Jerry,
I like Big Butts.

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Brian May 23, 2008 at 11:41 pm

Another name of a cigar that came up at tonight at the cigar shop: Devil’s Weed. Of course, that name still bows before the far inferior Fighting Cock.

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Cigars May 25, 2008 at 12:48 pm

The Acid Nasty cigars live up to their name. They’re pretty bad. I’m not sure what they were doing with those, but the best way to describe the flavor is kind of like when you’re at a baseball game and the wind is blowing really hard and a little dirt gets in your mouth.. Yes. That’s it exactly.

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Adam Snider May 25, 2008 at 1:46 pm

@Brian: I guess they didn’t realize that Devil’s Weed is slang for a different type of smokable leaf?

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Daniel May 26, 2008 at 7:30 am

@ all cock comments: Just don’t snip too much off with your cutter.

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Adam Snider May 26, 2008 at 10:36 am

@Daniel: Just nip the tip!

(Everyone who gets the reference is someone I want to share a cigar with.)

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Daniel May 26, 2008 at 12:04 pm

Just nip the tip. “Robin Hood: Men in Tights”?

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Adam Snider May 26, 2008 at 12:09 pm

Absolutely.

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smokinj May 27, 2008 at 8:53 pm

How bout this one-” It ain’t a smoke unless it’s a Cock” LOL

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Jesse May 27, 2008 at 9:00 pm

Unlike other Robin Hoods I can speak with an English Accent.

I loved that movie.

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Bob July 21, 2008 at 10:37 am

Forget the name and try a Fighting Cock. Best cigar for a buck you will ever find. That is if you can find one.

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Luis Molina January 6, 2009 at 12:25 am

Greetings all, this is a funny topic indeed. My name is Luis Molina and I own Devil’s Weed. Our name was meant to promote the cigar itself (although using an ironic device) and this term was actually coined by the Spanish Inquisition to denounce the divine plant that we know as tabaco. Unfortunately, some stoners thought it would be cute to apply this term to their own leaf during the 60s, but as it stands this term was first used for tabaco. Best to all.

as for fighting cock, i ain’t going there.

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rachel January 6, 2009 at 4:53 pm

Well, from a female perspective these cigars are only the warm-up for the event? eh, boys?

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mzCoach2u April 7, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Fighting Cock Slogan submission—When your stressed from working around the clock or just taking a walk around the block… just relax and smoke a cock.
This name is terrible…really lol

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Maxwell March 22, 2010 at 6:32 pm

Jesse – Not sure if you are still checking this blog. Good article, very funny. I actually like the name Smokin’ Toad, it’s unpretentious. And just to let you know it sells 4:1 over the milder 91 rated Flor de Jardin. With Mexican in the ligero and a Brazilian wrapper The Smokin’ Toad is a wonderful bold cigar.

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Rasputin August 12, 2010 at 10:25 am

Though I tremble to admit it in present company, I have actually smoked a Fighting Cock, and rather enjoyed it. As Bob said, not bad for a cheap cigar (Philippine if I remember correctly) and I hope Rachel gives one a try.

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Gerry November 20, 2010 at 10:23 pm

When these first came out (back in the ’90s), I belonged to one of those “Cigar of the month” clubs. One month, Fighting Cock was the brand we were sent and we were asked to review them. I can’t remember exactly what my review send in total, but I do remember writing, “You have to be pretty desperate to have a cock in your mouth in order to smoke this cigar.”

As to marketing promos, how about: “After a hard day at the orifice, nothing satisfies more than a nice hot cock in your mouth.”

And the packaging should say something like, “Circumcise Before Lighting.”

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